Akatsuki Surgery
by ilovemyboys
Summary: One-Shot! After Deidara gets a Kunai stuck in his stomach, Kakuzu is his doctor. With some Hidan, Sasori, and Tobi for fun!


**Akatsuki Surgery**

_By ilovemyboys_

One-Shot

* * *

Sasori walked into the Akatsuki hideout with a bloody and battered Deidara in his arms, gasping in pain.

Tobi gasped from the kitchen counter as he ran towards the duo.

"Ahh! What happened!" He screamed.

**"What does it look like! Make yourself useful and get Kakuzu!"** Sasori demanded.

"Uh...are you sure Sasori?" Tobi asked nervously.

**"Of course I'm sure, now get him or Deidara's gonna get worse!"**

"Ah! Of course Sasori!" Tobi sped out of the room, running towards Kakuzu and Hidan's room.

_Tobi really hopes Sasori will not try to kill Tobi! But Deidara's life is at stake! Tobi has always liked Deidara. Maybe someday he will be __**Tobi's **__partner!_

Tobi ran right into their room with a **BANG! **as he pushed the door open.

Both of the Akatsuki members immediately woke up.

"DAMN IT TOBI WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT!" Hidan screamed, turning his head to face Tobi as he threw his scythe at the unsuspecting masked nin.

"Ahhh!" Tobi quickly dodged the weapon.

**"This had better be good Tobi or your heart is mine..."** Kakuzu growled.

"Yes! Yes! It is Kakuzu! Deidara has been hurt! He needs your help!"

**"Damn blonde..."** he mumbled, as he ripped the sheets off his bed and walked over to Tobi. Once Tobi knew he was going to follow him he rushed out the door. "This way Kakuzu! This way!"

"Shut up Tobi. You think I don't know where his room is?"

As Kakuzu "followed" Tobi into Deidara's room, he saw the blonde; battered and bloodied on his bed with bruises and cuts as Sasori put the pressure of a wet rag over a particularly bloody part of Deidara's stomach, where Kakuzu noticed some blood come through. Sasori looked up.

**"I've been waiting… "** He grumbled. **"He needs some stitching. And fast."**

Kakuzu gave Sasori a menacing stare. He knew very well what he had to do, being the closest thing to a medical ninja this criminal organization had.

"Get out of my way," he growled, coming toward Deidara. Sasori got up with an equally menacing stare at being told what to do. But he needed Kakuzu to stitch his partner up, so he let him pass. Meanwhile, Deidara had been taking in pained gasps of air as Tobi tried to soothe him. Unsuccessfully.

"It's okay Deidara, you're going to be fine!"

"**Urrr**.. shut up…Tobi…" Deidara tried to speak through cringing. Then lifted his head up slightly to see Kakuzu. "Hey. You're here. Bout time," he breathed out weakly.

Kakuzu said nothing as he took off the rag and looked over the blonde's puncture wound. _Great. This looks pretty bad, _he thought. He looked down at Deidara and asked, "What did it?"

Deidara cringed in pain momentarily before answering grudgingly, "A Kunai with an exploding tag..."

Kakuzu raised in eyebrow, unbelievingly. "A Kunai? You let a K_unai _get you? An _exploding _one no less. I thought that was your area of _expertise-"_

"Of course it is! But if Sasori here actually let me fight them myself rather than insisting we work together I would have taken them out easily!"

**"You were reckless Deidara. You would have gotten yourself killed with that ridiculous trust in that clay of yours,"** Sasori replied dangerously, daring the blonde to argue.

"Is it still in there?" Kakuzu asked.

Deidara went silent. For once.

Sasori answered, "Yes."

Kakuzu sighed. _Of course it is._

"Alright. I need to get you an anesthetic. This will hurt."

"No shit," Deidara hissed in pain. "It already does."

Kakuzu's hands bulged into fists as he kept himself from punching the kid in the face with that attitude of his. He already had to deal with his disrespectful, religious maniac of a partner twenty four seven.

Once Kakuzu got the anesthetic all ready he gave Deidara a dose. Deidara's body flinched as the prick dug into his hand momentarily. Then he waited.

Slowly he got tired...and tired...and tired...And _sloooowly_ his eyes began to close as he drifted off to sleep…

….

One Akatsuki member was trying to get _some _sleep! He may be immortal but without the right amount of sleep he was the biggest pain you could imagine the next day. Luckily he had just managed to drift off again after hearing all the racket in his room. That was until he smelled something that shot his eyes open wide.

"Blood." He spoke automatically.

Almost as if in a trance, Hidan shot of bed and walked out of his room toward the scent.

**INFIRMARY:**

Kakuzu had dug into Deidara's stomach, pretty much with his bare hands, which was quite easy for him to do, what with all the experience he had at taking out hearts, although this time he had to make sure his patient lived. For once.

As Kakuzu kept pressure on certain points so no more blood leaked out, and got Tobi to do so as well, since Sasori had refused, he worked on taking the Kunai out.

"So it just exploded and hit him huh?" Kakuzu asked.

"Yeah," Sasori replied.

"Deidara should be more careful!" Tobi jumped in. "Kunais are dangerous!"

Just then the door flung open as each man turned around to see the intruder.

The Jashinist immortal stood before them. Perfectly still and with a crazed look in his eyes.

Kakuzu rolled his own eyes as he muttered, "Get out of here Hidan."

"No."

**"Hidan, get out before I make you get out."**

"What? And leave your patient to fend for himself?" Hidan smirked.

Sasori turned to Hidan. **"I have no problem forcing you out myself,"** he threatened venomously, his poisoned tail lifting up slowly into the air.

Although Hidan feared no death, nor physical pain, he wasn't sure how he felt about internal pain. And being poisoned wasn't really on his to do list. Yet.

"Okay, okay. Look. I just wanted to watch, okay?" He tried to laugh it up, his hands up in surrender.

"Why, so you can use his blood for some sacrifice?" Kakuzu replied disgustingly.

"What! No! What are you, crazy Kakuzu! What's the point of a fucking sacrifice if they're fucking alive!"

"Then why did you want to come?"

"I told you I just wanna watch!"

"Sick man..." Sasori muttered.

"Hey! It's not like you two are saints here! One of you steals fucking bodies and the other steals damn hearts! We all just take what we want off our dead victims," he smiled deviously.

"Whatever…" Kakuzu growled as he continued his work.

In ten minutes time Deidara was patched up as Kakuzu stood up from his hard work. His hands were bloodied and his face held a scowl of annoyance, from the other members constant bickering. After Tobi's optomistic, horribly bright attitude got everyone in the room in a foul mood he was kicked out the door. That was five minutes ago.

"_Ohhhhh…."_ Deidara's mumbling interrupted the momentary silence as the three Akatsuki members turned their attention to the unconscious bomber.

Slowly opening his eyes Deidara looked up at the three Akatsuki members with a confused expression.

"What's…going on?" He frowned.

"**I just took out a Kunai out of your gut, that's what,"** Kakuzu growled.

"R…really?...Hahahaha. That's cool," Deidara smiled with a loopy grin.

"What the fuck is up with him? He's acting like me," Hidan asked annoyed, surprisingly not happy with that fact.

"It's the effects of the anesthetic," Kakuzu replied matter-of-factly.

"Hahaha! So he's doped?"

Kakuzu rolled his eyes at his partner's choice of words. "Yes."

"Hahahaha! Deidara's doped!"

"Shut up Hidan. It's not that funny."

"Hell yeah it is! Anytime someone gets in these situations they always spit out all kinds of shit from their mouth!"

"S…s…say…it's kind of…cold in here…isn't it?" Deidara asked as his body shook a bit.

"What are you talking about? It's perfectly fine," Hidan rolled his eyes and he folded his arms. _Tuh! This isn't fun._

"There's a blanket next to you brat," Sasori answered annoyed as Deidara looked down next to him on the bed, and sure enough saw a blanket. He looked up at Sasori and smiled.

"Thanks…spiky head!" He giggled.

Everyone was silent for a second. Then Hidan burst out laughing as Sasori scowled.

"**You insolent brat." **Sasori took a menacing step toward Deidara.

"**Sasori! You know** he has no control over what he's saying," Kakuzu intervened.

"Do I** look **like I **care**?"Sasori growled, his eyes glaring into Deidara's, who officially looked scared now.

"**I am ****not**** patching him up again,"** Kakuzu warned darkly.

"Yeah. You'd have to do it all over and give him even more anesthetics," Hidan smiled slyly, imagining Deidara even more out of it.

Upon hearing Hidan's voice, Deidara's eyebrows furrowed as he turned his head to face him. Then nodded to himself, as if he just realized something.

"I_ thought_ I heard the bitchy princess here…"

It was now Sasori's turn to smirk as Hidan's eye widened in rage as he bellowed, "WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN BY THAT! SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU BLONDE PSYCHO!"

"Me? A psycho? At least I don't stick knives through my own heart and call it pleasurable," Deidara spoke rather calmly. Almost bored.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH! I'LL KILL YOU!" Hidan raised his scythe just as Kakuzu blocked it with his arm, stopping it from hitting his target.

"**Enough Hidan."**

"But Kakuzu!"

"**Shut up. **You're being overly sensitive."

"**SENSITIVE! ME? YOU'VE GOTTA BE KIDDING ME! HE'S INSULTING!"**

"**And you insult me every time you open your mouth,"** Kakuzu countered. Not the least bit fazed by Hidan's outgrage. He then turned to Sasori as he ignored the insults Hidan threw his way.

"I've bandaged his wounds and stitched up any loose ends. Make sure he stays in bed the next few days."

Sasori nodded in understanding. Kakuzu then turned to Hidan, deciding he had enough.

"-YOU PANZY STITCHED UP FREAK WITH YOUR SHITTY STRINGS-**AHHHH!"** Hidan cried in pain as Kakuzu yanked his hair down and kneed him hard in the stomach as he caused Hidan to fall onto his hands and knees and hiss in pain as he glared up at Kakuzu.

"You bastard! What's your problem!"

"**My problem is you and that mouth of yours you don't know how to close. Now get up. We're leaving,"** he replied coldly.

"Like hell I'm taking orders from you!"

**"Hidan. We have a mission tomorrow and I don't want to hear your whining first thing in the morning."**

"Shut up Kakuzu!" Hidan called back to his partner as Kakuzu turned to leave.

Hidan took one last glare at Deidara, and turned to leave as well, at his _own_ pace. In all honesty he was still pretty tired. Add that to all the insults thrown at him in the last half hour, and it put him in a foul mood he wanted to sleep off.

Sasori sighed in relief as the two members left.

"Wow. Hidan's upset," Deidara said surprisingly.

"Yeah. **I wonder why…"**

Sasori turned to face Deidara. He certainly looked out of it. Sighing, he glanced up at the clock on the wall.

_3:25. _

"Deidara. Come with me. We're going back to bed."

"But _why?"_ Deidara asked like a little child.

"**Because I said so. Now let's go."**

"Okay!" Deidara smiled happily as he got up a little too quickly and held onto his bandaged, stitched up stomach in pain.

"**You idiot!** **Don't you know not to move quickly after getting**-" Sasori stopped. Of course he knew, he just wasn't thinking straight. "Just get up slowly."

Deidara nodded and slowly got up with begrudging help from Sasori, as he led him to their room and laid Deidara down on his bed. In seconds Deidara went out like a light. With Sasori following soon after.

The next morning Deidara wondered why Hidan kept on sending him dirty looks.

_Was it something I said? _

* * *

**Authors Note:** Just a short story I thought of! Hope you enjoyed! ^_^

As always, if you love Deidara like I do check out the Facebook page, "I Heart Deidara." ^_^


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